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Self Esteem Basics
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Confidence Manual (Home) > Self Esteem Basics
Self Esteem: Information, Working and Factors
How does self esteem work?
Tracy has been in and out of relationships for so long that she is beginning to think that no one is out there for her. No matter how she tried, and no matter what kind of guy she goes steady with, it always ends up with a big bang, and the door is usually slammed at her end.
She has blamed herself for her failed relationships because she was so kind or nosy, or forgiving, selfless, clingy. You name it; every single bad thing that happened to the relationship was her fault. Up to now, she could not help but wonder what went wrong. She has done everything to make it work but nothing she does seems to make a difference and she still hasn't found "Mr. Right."
At first glance, there is really nothing wrong with Tracy, nor with the men in her lives. But as you probe into their day to day activities, you realize that Tracy looks okay on the outside, but has very low regard for herself on the inside. She seems like an ordinary girl next door but she is actually suffering from what we call low self esteem.
Self esteem is how you regard or value yourself in terms of your job, your accomplishments, your relationship with your peers and your family and your place in the society. It is actually the image you have of yourself. Having high self esteem means you have a high regard for yourself while low self esteem means you perceive no value of yourself.
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People with high self esteem are usually people who are happy and confident. It is not about bragging about what you have or your accomplishments, but it is taking stock of what kind of person you are given all your facts in life.
Self esteem is an important trait of every individual because it influences and sometimes even determines success in your personal life and in your career. Having a high self esteem means you respect yourself, and it is most often the reason why others respect you.
A person with high self esteem will do the right thing even if exposed to the wrong set of people. A person who regards himself highly will not follow what other people are doing because he has his own discernment of what is right and wrong.
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Self esteem grows on you, depending on how you were treated as a child. If you were encouraged or praised by your family while growing up, then you will probably have a high self esteem when you become an adult. However, there are people who may have high self esteem while growing up, but then later developed a low image of themselves because of certain factors.
Factors that lower self esteem
- Divorce or separation-A child who grew up in the right environment and with the right kind of people giving him support and encouragement will have a high self esteem. However, an incident like the divorce or separation of his parents will most likely shatter the child's high image of himself, and he could end up blaming himself for the separation. He will then go into a vicious cycle of looking down on himself and of treating others differently because of such an incident.
- Physical attributes-A child who is on the chubby side while growing up may be considered as cute by his family and friends and so the frequent encouragement and praise will help him develop high self esteem. However, as he grows older, his environment changes and then he is exposed to the reality that society generally frowns on people who are on the heavy side. This creates confusion and identity crisis which may lead to self pity and the development of a low self image.
- Rejection-A child who grew up with supportive parents and siblings will most likely become an adult with a high self esteem. However, constant exposure to critical people who insult him and criticize him may create a dent in his high self image. His comfort zone is now gone and there is a possibility that he will be rejected by other people who are not so kind or who may have very high standards.
A person's self esteem will serve as his defense and survival kit against the competitive nature of society. Growing up with a high self esteem will already be an advantage because such a person already knows his true value. However, he must keep close contact with the people who really matter to him to maintain his self worth, and avoid people who will try to ruin his self image.
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