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Self Esteem Basics |
Build Confidence (Home) > Self Esteem Basics > Underachiever and Overachiever Self Esteem Underachiever and Overachiever Self EsteemHow to Deal with Overachievers and UnderachieversOverachieving and underachieving are two conditions which are experienced by many people. These are most commonly noticed in children, in terms of academics, sports and other activities which they take part in. OverachievingOverachieving can be defined as performing far better than what is expected. In academics, it is defined as one's academic performance which is way higher than one's performance in standardized tests such as intelligence quotient (I.Q.) tests. A child may be an overachiever if he feels an impulsive need to get perfect grades and be on top of everybody else in his class. At first glance, it would seem that being an overachiever is no problem at all. What's wrong with being on top? Is there anything wrong with wanting to be the best? It's perfectly normal to feel that way. However, this desire to be on top affects someone mentally, physically, emotionally and socially, then it becomes a problem. An example would be someone who skip meals, refrains from conversations and mind nothing else but getting A's. UnderachievingAn underachiever is someone whose performance is far below his potential. Underachieving can also be a problem and can seriously jeopardize a child's future if not properly dealt with. There are many reasons which lead to underachieving.
A child may be an underachiever if he:
If one looks at overachieving and underachieving, they can be listed as antonyms. But even if the two concepts are almost paradoxical, they can both be associated with the same causes. They are two closely inter-related conditions. Low Self-esteemThe way one looks at himself very much related to overachieving and underachieving. Both the two conditions could have resulted from low self-esteem. For the overachievers, they may look at academic grades as personal barometers. They need assurance that they are worth something and getting high grades may be a way to fill that need. They tend to equate high test scores with self-worth. For underachievers, they are afraid to perform at their best or in some cases, they are afraid to even try something out because of low self-esteem. They feel that they are not good enough to be able to do something and are afraid that they will fail which would cause their self-esteem to go down further.
There are other things which could aggravate the effects of low self-esteem, some of these are:Lack of OpportunityFor children with low self-esteem, the lack of opportunities to grow will get them closer to being overachievers and underachievers. A child may become an overachiever if he realizes this and can become overly obsessive with getting high grades and beating every one in his class. A child may also become an underachiever and immediately stop trying. StructureEverything must have a balance, even structure. Children who grow up in homes where there is too much or too little structure are also in danger of becoming underachievers or overachievers. For example, in a house which is too structured, a child may feel that getting high grades is the only way to make his parents smile, or he may want to stop trying just to get even with his parents for being too strict. AttentionA child who is given too much or too little attention also faces the danger of being an overachiever or an underachiever. For example, a child who is given far too much attention will be inclined towards being an underachiever and stop trying because he needs some space between him and his parents. Dealing with the problems of overachieving and underachieving should be done at the level of confidence building. Here are some points on how to deal with these problems: Communicate with your childConstant and substantive communication between children and parents is one of the key factors for dealing with self-esteem problems. A child needs to be heard and needs to hear from his parents. Knowing one's child's problems and helping out if needed is one of the indicators of being an effective parent. Boost ConfidenceParents should encourage their children to become who they want to be. They should also give assurance that the children are to be loved whatever happens. Academic grades shouldn't be the barometer of parent's love for their children, and children should realize that. Allow the Child to GrowLow self-esteem is associated with too little space to grow. Parents should learn how to let their children learn from their mistakes. This will fill in the sense of inadequacy in children. If a child doesn't want to study for a test, his parents should not force him to study even if he faces failing. Once the lesson is realized, the parent should then talk to the child so that he may be able to learn from it. Low self-esteem can cause more serious problems in the later stages of one's life. However, not everything is lost, there are ways on how to deal with low self-esteem and avoid the problems brought about by overachieving and underachieving. A healthy self-esteem is needed if someone wants to be happy in life.
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